


To Fix You

by GuyGraves



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Addiction, Bullying, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Plans, Suicidal Thoughts, Violence, Vomiting, graphic drug use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-11-21
Packaged: 2018-02-11 19:52:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2081019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuyGraves/pseuds/GuyGraves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An AU where the Rising hasn't happened. Simon and Kieren meet under different circumstances, and try to help each other out of bad habits and addictions.</p><p>Mainly focuses on Kieren and Simon, but of course Amy the Beautiful Genius holds her own, and other smaller characters who are just as important have their moments!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'd Rather Walk Alone

It was dark, and everything was blurred, due to the couple of drinks Kieren had consumed this evening. He wasn't one to drink much, Kieren, but everyone has those nights, you know?  
He waited on the corner for a taxi, or a bus or someone to bring him anywhere, he didn't know. He stood at the edge of the street, letting his eyes focus and unfocus on the streetlights. What the fuck was he doing.  
Eventually a taxi did pull up. The driver rolled down his window and asked Kieren where to. Kieren recited his home address and handed the man a handful of notes. Maybe one night he'd take a midnight train going anywhere, but tonight was not that night.  
"I gotta warn you though buddy, we got another guy back there, and he's pretty far gone, if you know what I mean." he pursed his lips.  
Kieren nodded, though he wasn't entirely sure he did know what the driver meant, and slid into the back of the cab, where he was greeted by the smell of smoke and other things he couldn't quite identify. He looked at the man next to him out of the corner of his eye. He had thought he was being subtle, but apparently not, because as soon as he did so the man propped himself up against the door and grinned.  
"Simon." he slurred.  
"What? Oh, no, I think you've mistaken me for someone else..."  
The man broke into hysterics, and Kieren gave a cautious laugh, unsure of what was so funny.  
"No, no, no," he mumbled through dying laughter, "MY name is Simon."  
"Oh."  
There was a long silence.  
"You?"  
"What?"  
"What's your name?" Simon was biting back another explosion. Was that an accent Kieren heard?  
"Ah... I'm Kieren." he muttered.  
"Kieren. Kiiier-en."  
"Ah, yep, Kieren." Kieren turned to look out the window, an obvious sign he thought, that he didn't want to talk anymore, but Simon didn't seem to be catching the hint.  
"Mind if I call you Ren?" That was an Irish accent, he thought. Definitely Irish.  
At the mention of the nickname Kieren stiffened and drew in a deep breath.  
"Ren is just a lot easier you know? Kieren is such a MOUTHFUL. I know it's only two sylla-yokes, but between me and you, I'm not really here right now." he laughed, a little quieter this time.  
Kieren was getting impatient. Couldn't this asshole see he wasn't up for talking? "Yeah well I'm not sure it's just between us, if I'm going to be quite honest. Look Simon, you seem like a nice guy, but I'm really not in the mood to talk to you and personally I try not to make a habit of befriending... Addicts." he looked for a less offensive word than what he was originally thinking of.  
There was another long silence until they reached Kieren's house.  
"You can just drop me on the corner he-"  
"Ren?"  
Kieren froze and turned to look at Simon.  
"It may surprise you that I'm not the only 'addict' in this cab." He reached out and grabbed Kieren's wrist, which Kieren realised in horror had been exposed when he rested his arm on the car window. "Then again, it might not." By the time Kieren registered what was happening and tried to pull away, Simon had slipped a small piece of paper into his hand, and let him go.  
Kieren wanted to respond, but wasn't sure how. He backed away from the car, rubbing his wrist, before deciding there really isn't anything you can say in a situation like this. He turned and walked home quickly, not looking back.

When he was in his room, he pulled off his shirt and flopped down on his bed, exhausted and still drunk. He remembered the paper in his hand. He should just throw it away, he thought to himself, not even look at it. But really, Kieren couldn't do that. He unfolded the paper cautiously and read it. A number. A phone number, with Simon's name beneath it, and a little scribbled note that said "if u need to talk" followed by a wobbly smiley face.  
What the fuck kind of night has this been, he wondered, before falling into a troubled sleep.


	2. Now I Can See Your Pain, I'm Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Kieren meet at the cave, but it doesn't go as it usually does.

"Kieren! Get up you twat."  
Kieren groaned and rolled over, using his hand to shield his eyes from the sun.  
"Jem, what..."  
"Mum and dad want you to come to church today. Some neighbour's funeral or something."  
Another groan and Kieren sat up on the edge of his bed, rubbing his eyes as Jem left his room. Why had he decided to get drunk last night, of all nights. He knew there was something he'd have to do the today.  
He got dressed quickly, throwing on whatever was on his floor, laced up his boots and stumbled downstairs, where he walked into his dad.  
"You missed breakfast, son."  
"Oh, sorry dad. I'm not very hungry, that's alright."  
"No, no, you must eat. Most important meal of the day, is breakfast!" Steve guided his son over to the table, where he'd set out bacon, eggs and toast. Along with a massive glass of orange juice, which Kieren had repeatedly told his father he didn't like, but he drank it anyway.  
"So, where were you last night?" Jem said over his shoulder. Kieren jumped.  
"Jesus Jem, don't sneak up on me like that."  
"I'll stop sneaking up when you stop sneaking out, where were you?" she questioned, a mischievous grin on her face.  
"Sshh," Kieren looked round at his parents who were standing in the kitchen. "I just went out to meet a friend."  
Jem raised an eyebrow. "Kier, you came home in a taxi and you looked at the stairs like they were burning coals."  
"We went drinking, okay? Will you leave me alone?"  
Jem sighed and rolled her eyes. "But you're so fun when you're nervous." She turned and walked away.  
Kieren sighed and sank down in his chair.

The funeral was a dark affair, as funerals often are. Ken, Kieren believed the deceased was called. He hadn't known Ken well, but Kieren did feel a little remorse when he looked at the sobbing relatives.  
When the crying and praying were over and done with, Kieren was the first outside. The church was dusty and it made him feel ill. The cool air was soothing.  
"Ren?"  
Kieren froze. Hadn't that man - Simon - hadn't he called him that last night? Kieren turned slowly and saw-  
"Rick, hi." he had forgotten that Rick called him that too.  
The taller boy, Rick, walked closer to Kieren and leaned against the wall beside him.  
"How's it going?"  
"As well as any funeral can go." Kieren responded, keeping his eyes glued to his feet.  
There was silence for a while.  
"Do you want to go to the cave tonight?" Rick asked quietly.  
Kieren looked up at him.  
"Ah... Yeah, sure, I guess. If you want." he was careful to keep his voice down. Ricks father was at the funeral.  
Rick reached out and squeezed Kieren's shoulder. "Alright mate, see you at 12."  
And he walked away, leaving Kieren feeling a dull anticipation.

The rest of the day passed in a blur, he ate lunch after the funeral, Jem punched his shoulder a few times, he and his dad watched a movie.  
Finally, when it was late and not a creature was stirring (not even a Jem), he pulled on his boots and a shirt, and headed down the stairs, wary of the fourth step which creaked ridiculously. He went out the backdoor and didn't lock it behind him. 

When he reached the cave he peered in and called Rick's name. A few seconds passed and Kieren was sure that Rick had bailed on him, but then a reply echoed from the cave and Kieren let out a long sigh, realising that he had been holding his breath. He stepped in and felt his way around a corner, until he saw a faint glow and smelled smoke.  
Rick sat by a stack of candles being used to light the cave. He grinned at Kieren and raised his can of beer, inviting him to sit.  
"Drink?"  
"No, no I'm good." Kieren responded.  
"Fag?"  
Kieren laughed lightly when Rick tossed a cigarette in his direction. He picked it up and stuck it between his lips, leaning over to light it on one of the candles. Just as he began to sit up, he felt a hand on his waist and stopped where he was. He could feel Ricks breath on his neck and the fingers tighten on his hip.  
"Rick, I don't think we should-"  
"Ah come on Ren, you love this." he started kissing Kieren's neck, sending shivers down the boys spine. He did love it, but what he didn't love so much was that Rick needed to be drunk for it, ignore Kieren in front of his dad, and take the piss out of Kieren in front of his mates.  
"Ri-" he was silenced by Rick sliding his hand down his thigh and sucking on his skin.  
Kieren could feel anger rising. He'd never been angry at Rick before, only sad because of how he'd treat him. But he was furious now, and he let himself be, heat rushing into his cheeks and a noise of some kind building in his throat. He broke.  
He shoved Rick back against the wall with a frustrated shout, and stumbled forwards (almost hitting his head off the top of the little cave), turning to face him.  
"Kieren, what-"  
"I do not need this." Kieren said shakily. "I don't need to be treated like this, I get enough shit from everyone else in this god damned town, and I don't need it from you too."  
Rick looked confused. "Ren we've talked about this, my dad would-"  
"If you really liked me, as much as you act like it and as much as you tell me on nights like these, you would grow some balls and stand up to your dad. So I'm done."  
Kieren could see Ricks eyes, turning glassy in the dull light. "Ren, please, you know I can't tell him, I'd be in his bad books then and he wouldn't talk to me or..." He trailed off, possibly realising how he sounded, Kieren thought.  
Kieren shook his head. "I'm gone." he said quietly. "Goodbye Rick."

Back in his room, Kieren still feels anger. Anger and hurt and guilt. Because of what Rick had done to him, because of how he let it get to him, because of Ricks face as Kieren left the cave. Damn him. God damn that boy and his asshole father and his weak mother and his piece of shit friends. And damn myself, Kieren thought. For being a useless coward and instead of helping Rick tell his parents, being a self-righteous cunt. Now that he thinks of it, he really is good for nothing. And there's nothing for him here.  
That night was a dark one, and Kieren fell asleep with new lines on his wrists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go, was that angsty? I don't know. I feel like it was really short too, but I think that's just how I write. Sorry it's been so long since an update, I was visiting friends so yeah. Hope you enjoyed, and see you soon for another chapter.


	3. Your Snow Doesn't Warm You In December

"One sniff, two sniff, three sniff, four. Snorting coke like a god damned whore." Simon sung quietly, chuckling to himself, watching the lines in front of him disappear one by one. Once every ounce of cocaine was in his system, he let out a loud grunt/sigh and sunk back in his chair, staring at the suddenly interesting ceiling. Before the coke kicked in, he had only a couple of minutes when he could think clearly. And each one he spent wondering what he was doing.

"MUUUUM." he roared. "MUM, I'M GOIN' FER A WALK!" he stumbled down the hallway and banged out the front door, forgetful of the fact that he wasn't actually living with his mother. He skipped down the driveway, breathing in the cold afternoon air, humming to himself and swinging his keys around his fingers, dropping them more than once on the way to the train station. He figured he'd go see if he could find that cutie from yesterday, who was still foggy in his memory, while he had the drug-induced confidence.

~~~~~~~~~~

One step, two step, three step, four. Kieren counted the steps in his head as he passed Ricks group of idiots, ignoring the snorts of laughter and ugly slurs aimed in his direction.  
Five, six, seven, eight. "Hey faggot!" Kieren gritted his teeth. He was not going to run. "Fags like it up the ass, right?" Laughter. "I'll shove my foot up your ass, Walker! Ye hear me?"  
Nine, ten, eleven... Kieren kept his head down. Then hearing footsteps growing louder behind him, and insults increasing, he cursed himself and ran. After rounding the corner, he ducked into an alleyway and sunk to the ground, waiting behind a rubbish bin for the sounds of hate to dull. He sighed and slapped himself in the forehead, angry that he couldn't stand up to them.  
He heard a rustling nearby and grimaced. Ugh, rats. Better get out of here before you get rabies, Kieren.  
He used the wall to push himself up, and turned to leave the alley, but as he did so, his arm was grabbed from behind.  
"Fuck, what the fu-" he pulled himself from the grip and whipped around, his arms up defensively, but was silenced when he saw who it was.  
"Simon? Man, you scared the shit out of me!"  
"Oh, I'm sorry." Simon slurred. "Didn't mean to startle you."  
Kieren squinted at him. "You... Are you STILL fucked up?" he asked incredulously.  
The older man snorted. "Pfft, no. Course not, I'm completely sober."  
"Can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not when you're this high."  
"Oh, stop." Simon grinned.  
"What are you even doing here? Should I be creeped out that you knew where I was?"  
The older man laughed. "Ah I just remembered the town you got out of the taxi in the other night. I live a couple of towns over so I thought I'd check it out, and I ran into you."  
"You just ran into me in a dark alley?" Kieren laughed.  
"Ah I can see why that might seem a bit sketchy but I swear I wasn't stalking you."  
"Sure about that?" Kieren raised an eyebrow.  
"Now now, enough talk of me, although I am endlessly fascinating!"  
"But-"  
"Let's go do something!" Simon proposed, his face brightening.  
The blonde scrunched up his eyebrows, still smiling. "Like what?"  
Simon thought for a while. Quite a while actually. Kieren was about to say something when Simon spoke up.  
"Food! Lets go get food." he grinned, proud of himself.  
Kieren looked at him doubtfully. "Have you got money?"  
Simon nodded, excited now. "Yes! Let's do it! What do you want to eat?"  
The blonde man was going to say that he wasn't actually hungry, but something about Simon's excitement made him stop.  
"Pizza, I like pizza."  
"He likes pizza!" Simon booms. "Come on then, to the station we go."  
Kieren sighed and allowed himself to be dragged along behind his newfound friend.

~~~~~~~~~~

"God, are you really going to eat that?" Kieren asked, looking down at the pile of toppings on top of Simon's pizza.  
Simon looked up from his plate and mumbled something unintelligible through his mouthful of food.  
"What was that? You'd like some pizza with your pile of shit?" Kieren laughed.  
Simon swallowed his food, making a dismissive movement with his hand, but holding back laughter.  
Kieren was about to make a comment about Simon's etiquette, when he heard familiar noises from down the street. Oh god.  
He poked Simon's shoulder. "Ah, Simon we've got to go now."  
"What? But you were just in the middle of insulting my eating habits!"  
The racket grew louder.  
"Get the fuck up." Kieren muttered urgently, tugging at Simon's sleeve.  
"Okay, okay!" he started to stand up.  
"Hey, Walker!"  
"Oh fuck." Kieren muttered, turning his back on the voice, he started to walk. Simon jogged to catch up with him.  
"Kieren, what..."  
"Faaaaaaaaggot, hey faggot!" the shouts were louder now. Kieren's stomach twisted.  
Simon stopped in his tracks.  
"What are you doing?" Kieren looked at him desperately.  
"Are they shouting at you?" Simon asked, all signs of laughter gone from his face.  
"Yeah, no, look - it doesn't matter, lets just go, okay?"  
Simon didn't move, and soon enough the group of bullies had caught up, and Kieren saw that Rick had joined them.  
"Hey gay." The leader of the group grinned. "You got a new boyfriend?"  
"Uh, no..."  
The boy turned to Simon. "So what's the story, you fuckin' him?"  
Kieren flinched and turned to look at Simon warily. Simon just sighed and looked at Kieren. "Is this all they can do? Use homophobic slurs and crude language?"  
He smirked, and Kieren looked at him terrified. The boss of the group obviously wasn't used to being confronted, and his eyes had grown about two sizes. He gave an angry laugh.  
"You think that's all we can do?" Now he was talking to Kieren again. "Is that what you think, Walker?" He took a step towards Kieren.  
"No, I..."  
"I could fuckin' end you mate." He kept closing in on Kieren, until they were almost nose to nose. "You couldn't imagine half the things I could do to you. That you couldn't do shit about. So why don't you back down, turn around, and go back to your boyfriend's house, before I-"  
He was cut off by a fist slamming into his cheek.  
Kieren took a step back from the boy, who was reeling and swearing. "You fucking..." he lunged at Simon but only succeeded in catching another punch to the gut, then a knee to the face, causing him to drop to the ground.  
"Fuck!" His posse surrounded him and helped him to his feet. He glared at the two boys standing in front of him and spit on the pavement between them.  
"You're fucking dead!" he laughed, slightly hysterically, holding his face protectively. "Watch out Walker, next time I catch you alone, I swear to god..." His threats trailed off as he and his gang slouched away.  
Rick turned and looked at him momentarily, but Kieren just shook his head sadly.  
When they were almost out of earshot, Simon yelled, "Hey, assholes!" causing them to turn.  
And the moment they did Simon took hold of Kieren's neck and pulled him into a kiss, at the same time raising his middle finger to the bullies who were all making disgusted noises. Kieren was surprised, and at first reluctant, but it felt so good to have someone kiss him. And there was something different in the kiss than there was in Ricks, there was no fear, no hesitation, no feeling that this could be wrong. It felt very much like it could be right.  
When they rounded the corner, Kieren gently pulled away, keeping his face close to Simon's. "Eh, they're gone, I think we can stop." he laughed nervously.  
"Ah yes, assholes are gone, we've made our point." Simon laughed quietly, his eyes closing as though in relief.  
And as his eyes were closed, Kieren took the moment to plant a quick kiss on his lips (despite his racing heartbeat), then turn and start walking.  
Simon shook his head, watching Kieren for a moment before following after him.


	4. Please Do Not Hurt Me, Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick confronts his dad and himself about his sexuality. Contains domestic abuse and homophobia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short as heck Rick angst chapter. I'll be updating again super soon to make up for the shortness! :) Could be triggering - domestic abuse and homophobia.

Thinking was not a thing that Rick did as often as he should. His plan of action was usually just, “Do it, and screw it.” But this was Kieren we were talking about.  
Kieren.  
That boy, Rick thought. He just did not know what to think of him. He knew that Kieren had feelings for him, knew that was the reason he had been so upset the other night. But Rick wasn’t entirely sure about his own feelings on the matter. He had thought it had just been a bit of fun, just fucking around, something new and out of the ordinary, something that wasn’t boring.  
But he was not gay. He could not be gay.  
‘This is ridiculous.’ Rick said to himself. ‘Listen to yourself. You are attracted to Kieren. You think he’s cute, you think he’s hot.’ You think he’s hot.  
Rick swore out loud as he came to terms with what really, he’d known for a long time.  
He was gay. 

He stood in front of his father, tensed up and sweating after uttering those two little words.  
“You’re what?” Bill asked quietly.  
“I… Gay.”  
Bill paused before laughing loudly. “Ah I get it, very funny, very funny lad.”  
Rick sighed and his eyebrows furrowed. “Dad, I’m being serious.”  
The laughter died quickly, and Bill took a step towards his son, until they were almost nose to nose.  
“Bill…” a hesitant warning from the sidelines, Rick's mother. Of course, it was ignored.  
“Say that again, Rick. Look into my eyes, and repeat what you just said.”  
Rick swallowed a whimper.  
“I’m gay.”

A loud smack, the noise registering before the sting, the sting not registering before another smack was landed. A small gasp from a mother.  
“You, are NOT gay!” Bill spit, continuing to land hits against Rick's head. Rick tried to pull away but Bill gripped his forearm and pulled him back close.  
“You… You DISGUST me.” He snarled. “You want to reconsider what you just said, otherwise you’re going to leave this fucking house, you hear me?”

No reply.

“I said, do you HEAR ME.” He tightened his grip on Rick's arm until Rick could do nothing but nod weakly. Bill shoved Rick's chest, sending him back onto the sofa.  
When Bill had left the room, the boy curled up in a ball, shaking and cursing himself.  
“Rick, I…” he felt his mothers hand on his shoulder and shrugged it off quickly.  
“Don’t.” he gasped through gritted teeth. “Don’t touch me.”


	5. Stay Down Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kieren is going to do it - he really is this time.  
> So he thinks.  
> But he's interrupted in his plans by an unexpected series of events, that make him and others involved, rethink.
> 
> Contains graphic drug use (by syringe), detailed drug withdrawal symptoms, and detailed suicidal thoughts and plans. Please read with caution, I don't want to trigger anyone!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains graphic drug use (by syringe), detailed drug withdrawal symptoms, and detailed suicidal thoughts and plans. Please read with caution, I don't want to trigger anyone!

Pizza.  
'A goddamn pizza!'  
Simon runs his hands through his hair, tugging at the strands in frustration.  
'But it was for Kieren. I did it for Kieren, and besides, I didn't realise it was my last bit of cash...'  
'God what am I thinking? I only just met him. He doesn't expect that. I didn't have to, and besides, he knows I have a problem... Oh fuck.'  
He mutters to himself, his thoughts and speech slipping in and out of eachother. He can feel his stomach clenching and his muscles tensing, and bile begins to rise up his throat. He manages to force it down again but knows he won't be able to next time.  
"I need it, I just need some..." his sentence trails off as he stands and begins to sweep through the house desperately, looking for anything, just something to give him a hit, just tide him over until he can figure something out.  
After scrambling through his drawers and cupboards frantically he lets out a scream, cutting it off halfway by biting down on his own hand. He collapses against his dresser, in a weak attempt to use it for support, and in his struggle he knocks something and hears it fall and clatter against the hard wood floor. He sinks to the ground and slowly raises is head.  
"Yes!" he gasps.  
He reaches out for the half-emptied syringe, and clutching it like the lifeline that he truly and honestly believes it is, he presses the needle into the familiar little scar that never quite heals, inhaling sharply through his teeth.  
He drops the syringe and lays there, waiting for his hands to stop shaking, laughing quietly to himself. But as his hands stop their jittering, so does his laughter die, because he knows it won't last. Nothing lasts. Nothing works.

A single tear rolls from over his cheek, and follows his skin, along his neck, until it falls, and he hears it hit the hard wood floor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Simon.  
Simon.  
"Simon." Kieren repeats to himself.  
"Sim... I can't. I can't do this."  
He's laying on his bed, head flat and pillows on the other side of the room, staring at the ceiling, trying so hard to count all the reasons he should stay alive. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly before continuing.  
"Jem. Mum. Dad. Simon. Rick-" his voice turns to a squeak as a cold pain shoots through his chest, chilling his body and mind.  
"FUCK!" he screams it into the void.  
"All of this! Fuck all of this!" he gasps and curses himself. He's crying now.  
"Have I not potential? Haven't I a right to feel even HALF AS GOOD AS THE PEOPLE AROUND ME!" he yells, standing up and throwing himself against the bedroom wall, against his portrait of Rick. He rips it from the wall.  
"FUCK YOU." he screams at it. Look at me, he thinks, shouting at a painting. This must really be the end. The great end I've foreseen for so long.  
He begins to laugh hysterically at himself. What do you think you are, a damn poet? You're nothing, you've never been anything, there's no place for you here you goddamn waste of space.  
He's not laughing anymore.  
He walks silently and peacefully to his desk, sits down, and takes out a pen and notepad. He begins writing.  
It's all so simple, he thinks. Why am I subjecting myself to this? I don't have to do this, and no one should expect me to.  
When he was finished, three letters in neatly sealed envelopes sat on his desk in a row.  
'Mum, Dad', 'Jem', 'Rick'.  
"Simon!" Kieren grips his forearm and squeezes it hard. "How could you forget him!"  
But once he has another piece of paper out and ready, he realises, he doesn't know Simon. Not really. So he just stares, pen against paper, until he can finally bring himself to write simply; "I'm sorry."

He makes his way through the thorny branches and rough leaves unwarily. What does it matter anyways, he thinks. Isn't this wonderful? For once - I don't care about anything!  
He pauses for a moment and looks around, taking in the woods one last time. The colours of it are lovely really, even in the grey light that continuously haunts the skies of Roarton. The greens still shine as bright as they ever would, just in a different manner, and last nights remaining rainwater glints subtly and leaves the green smelling almost as good as it looks. Possibly, Kieren thinks, this is the thing I will miss the most.  
He pauses. He's bothered.  
I'm bothered, he thinks, this isn't right. I'm not supposed to care about anything. I need to hurry up.  
He begins walking again, the leaves crunching beneath his feet. But something's not right. He stops and the crunching continues. He whips around, scanning the woods, and sees a figure crouching behind a tree. His eyes widen in horror. Someone's seen him. It's all over.  
He approaches cautiously and as he nears, he hears a retching noise. Someone being sick?  
He walks around the tree and looks down.  
Simon.  
"Simon?" he exclaims, taking a step back. The man looks up in horror as he realises who's just spoken. He's barely able to choke out Kierens name before he keels over again, retching and sobbing.  
"Simon, what? What's happening?" Kieren is worried now, and his own thoughts are shoved down deep into the back of his mind. "Are you sick? What-"  
"Dope." Simon gasps between sobs. "I need it, I need something, can you get me something please, anything, I just need-" he relapses into vomiting.  
"Oh god." Kieren genuinely didn't know what to do. He needed to go. But he needed to do something! What could he do?  
"Simon, what can I do?"  
"Drugs!" Simon rasps. "Something, please!"  
Kieren grits his teeth. "Simon, I can't-"  
"Please-"  
"No!" Kieren sounds slightly horrified. He looks down at the shivering, pale man at his feet, running through his brain. What can I do?  
"I'm going to call someone."  
"No, ple-"  
"I'm calling the hospital Simon, you need help."  
"No! They'll make me-"  
"Not negotiable." Kieren says firmly, pulling out his phone.  
As it rings he paces impatiently, unable to stop moving.  
"Hello? Yes. Yes, I'm with a man, he needs help, he's having severe withdrawal symptoms. No, I can't do anything about it, why the hell else would I be calling you?"  
He crouches down next to Simon, awkwardly resting a hand on his back, unsure what else he should do.  
"Yes, in the forest. The only damn forest in Roarton, can you please hurry?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The world is blurry and soft and white, and for a moment Simon wonders if he's died and gone to heaven. He is quickly slapped back into reality by the stabbing pain in his whole body, and he remembers what's happened.  
"Kieren?" he tries to say, but his throat chokes the word and when it reaches hips lips there's nothing left of it but a scratchy, strangled mumble. But Kieren hears, and he feels a hand on his throbbing arm.  
"I'm here." the familiar voice, almost a whisper.  
"Kieren," his second attempt comes out a little clearer, but just about audible. "Jesus, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." his speech trails off and his mind numbs again.  
"It's fine. It's okay Simon, go back to sleep okay?"  
Simon doesn't respond, the sedative already gone back into effect.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You shouldn't have left Simon, you still need help."  
Simon tries a laugh, a concept (among many others) that seems alien right now. "Sure I'm fine, Kieren, don't worry about me."  
Kieren doesn't look convinced, and after a few silent seconds of walking/shuffling;  
"But I really don't-"  
"Stop!" Simon doesn't know why, but something about Kieren's persistence sets him off. He stops walking and his hands fly up to his face. "God, will you stop, you and everyone fucking else! I don't need this! I didn't ask you to help me! This wasn't a problem until all of you made it one!" he cries. "Why can't you all leave me the hell alone, none of you know SHIT and you all want to lecture me, won't you all just fuck off!"  
The longest silence, certainly longer than the previous one, and full of some emotion or tension that Simon can't identify. Kieren walks slowly back to the trembling man, having not got a word in sideways of Simon's rant. He hooks a finger under his chin and pulls his face up to his own.  
"I will fuck off, if you want. And I don't want to, but I WILL stop, if that's what you really, really want." he brings Simon's face closer. "But do not tell me, not once, that I don't know shit. I know more of it than you think. And I know that you are in pain, and I appreciate that. But I don't appreciate you telling me that my pain is inferior to yours. Because you don't know the half of it."  
Simon watches Kieren's eyes as they study his face. He almost thinks about kissing him. But Kieren pulls away and turns his back, walking away, and leaving a speechless Simon staring into space, eyes wide and mind doing it's best to process the happenings. 

And later, when Simon has found his fix, for the first time in years, he remembers those eyes, and he feels guilty.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Well this is a rather grey town, innit nan?"  
"Seems like that at first love, but you'll come to like it!"; A warming phrase that comes with a wink and a smile just as warm.  
The young woman stands in the street, her big, bright skirts, airy smile, and favourite orange coat out of place in the dark little village.  
"I'm sure, and why wouldn't I?" she smiles back at her gran and proceeds to pace the street a little bit, a slight skip in her step, almost looking like she would run off into the nearby fields and never be seen again.  
"I'll make you a pot of tea, dear, come on inside."  
Her granddaughter stood, picturesque against the ashen sky and bleak buildings. "But nan..."  
"Come on, sweetheart."  
"I just want to-"  
"Amy," he grandmother snaps, too harshly, she realises immediately, when she sees the line of Amy's shoulders sink slightly.  
"I'm sorry, you just... We don't want ye getting cold."  
"No it's alright nan, I understand." she makes her way towards the house again, but the skip is gone from her step.


End file.
